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Instructions: Give yourself one point for each yes answer. |
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| 1. |
When you get anxious, do you attempt to control the behavior or feelings of others? |
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| 2. |
Do you feel responsible for making sure the needs of others are met? |
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| 3. |
Do you put your own needs aside in an attempt to meet the needs of others? |
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| 4. |
Do you allow others to determine how you (one point each): |
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Dress |
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look physically |
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think |
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feel |
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behave |
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| 5. |
Do you try to control how others (one point each): |
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Dress |
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look physically |
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think |
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feel |
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behave |
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| 6. |
Do you have difficulty setting healthy boundaries in any of the following areas (one point each): |
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touching or being touched |
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giving or receiving sexual advances |
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stating clearly your thoughts, beliefs, opinions |
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blaming and/or being blamed for your feelings ("you make me feel...") |
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blaming and/or being blamed for your actions ("you made me do...") |
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blaming and/or being blamed for the actions of others ("it's your fault that...") |
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| 7. |
Do you get into relationships with people who (one point each): |
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physically abuse you or your children |
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emotionally abuse you or your children |
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verbally abuse you or your children |
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are chemically dependent (substance abusers) |
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are emotionally unresponsive |
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are physically unresponsive |
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are sexually unresponsive |
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are rage-a-holics so that you must walk on eggshells |
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are perfectionists that you can never please |
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are jealous and/or controlling of you or your time |
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are emotionally immature |
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are workaholics |
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are sexually addicted, overly demanding, emotionally or sexually unfaithful |
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| 8. |
Do you find yourself (one point each): |
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unable to remember much of your childhood |
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dissociating or daydreaming when strong emotions are being expressed |
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dissociating during sex |
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minimizing your addictive behaviors |
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minimizing your unhealthy relationships |
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minimizing or denying your family of origin issues |
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denying your own or your spouse's addictive behaviors |
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denying the unhealthy nature of your relationships |
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denying the dysfunction in your family of origin |
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denying that you have made the same mistakes as your parents |
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| 9. |
Do you have difficulty with healthy emotional expression, such as (one point each): |
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tending to fly off the handle and dump anger on others |
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tending to repress anger and/or cover it with a smile |
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feeling embarrassed or ashamed about crying in front of others |
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minimizing your feelings and talking yourself out of them |
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experiencing depression |
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experiencing panic attacks |
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experiencing generalized anxiety |
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feeling out of control emotionally |
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feeling uncomfortable when others express strong emotions |
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| 10. |
Are you addicted to (one point each): |
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alcohol |
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street drugs |
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prescription drugs |
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food |
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sugar |
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caffeine |
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tobacco |
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spending |
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sex |
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romance |
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relationships |
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gambling |
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chaos or drama |
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| 11. |
Has there been any of the following abuse in your family of origin or your previous relationships (one point each): |
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overt sexual abuse with physical contact |
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overt sexual abuse without physical contact (voyeurism, exhibitionism) |
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verbal sexual abuse |
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being "spousified" by either parent |
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physical abuse |
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emotional abuse |
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social abuse (shaming you about your friends, keeping you isolated) |
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physical neglect or abandonment |
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emotional neglect or abandonment |
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spiritual or religious abuse |
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overprotection |
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| 12. |
Are you a caretaker, such as (one point each): |
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doing more than your fair share of the work |
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saying "yes" when you want to say "no" |
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feeling compelled to help others solve their problems |
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offering unsolicited advice, giving rapid fire solutions to others |
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doing for others what they are quite able to do for themselves, and resenting it |
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feeling attracted to needy people |
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over-committing yourself and feeling pressured and overwhelmed |
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feeling powerless to change these patterns |
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feeling suicidal |
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| 13. |
Does your fear of abandonment have any of the following consequences (one point each): |
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hold onto unhealthy relationships rather than risk being alone |
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seek approval so the other person won't leave |
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lie rather than confront the truth |
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become jealous when your spouse has outside interests |
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engage in sexual acts that are uncomfortable for you |
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compulsively diet, purge, or risk an eating disorder to look good |
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get upset when your spouse, lover, children are late |
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abandon or leave people before they can leave you |
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have difficulty being without a relationship |
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| 14. |
Do you or your family have a large investment in looking good, such as (one point each): |
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doing or not doing things because of what others might think |
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achieving or performing more for approval than for personal satisfaction |
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never expressing any strong emotions |
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believing that what others think is more important than your own wants, needs, or feelings |
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following the unspoken or spoken rule of "we don't air our dirty laundry in public" |
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| 15. |
Were/are the following rules (spoken or not) enforced in your family (one point each): |
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don't speak (children should be seen and nor heard) |
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don't communicate directly (tell mom and she'll tell dad) |
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don't express your anger or frustration (shame on you...you're being disrespectful) |
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don't have needs (you're selfish) |
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don't ask for what you want |
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don't be yourself |
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don't confront our behavior, don't make waves |
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don't trust your intuition, don't trust anyone |
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Scoring is simple: The higher the score, the greater the likelihood of codependency. Any "yes" answer is a wake-up call. Yes, codependency is widespread. |